There’s no doubt about it, the gym can be a great place to meet new people, and from time to time, even those of the romantic variety. So if you’re crushing on that hottie on the treadmill or in your Crossfit class, you’re not alone – gym crushes abound in the natural world. After all, it makes sense: the gym is home to some of the finest examples of physical achievement you’ll ever see, plus you’ve already got something in common: living an active, healthy life.
So far, it looks pretty alluring, but there’s one thing you need to consider, and it’s important: do you really want to do anything about it? You already know that a gym crush is all about fantasy – without having even spoken to them, what else could it be? One of the best things about having a gym crush is that it can motivate you to work out, even on the days you don’t feel like working out. In fact, your gym crush has that near-magical ability to force you to tap into those reserves of strength and energy you didn’t even know you had, usually around the time they walk by… And in my opinion, that’s their greatest strength.
In other words, I heartily approve of having a gym crush. Two thumbs up. Who doesn’t need a beautiful person to give your workout that extra oomph. But should you approach them? Hmmm, that’s debatable. Some people are of the opinion that you shouldn’t. The reasoning goes as follows: why ruin the fantasy? Use your gym crush to fuel your workouts a bit further – ‘mire them from afar. Approach them? No. Besides, the fantasy – the casual relationship between the two of you (which exists in your head) – is probably better as a fantasy.
Still… over here, part of our philosophy is about having fun, keeping things positive, taking intelligent risks and making the most of the many opportunities life presents to you each and every single day. And as the wise Wayne Gretzky said: “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Preach! The silver lining is that there are lots of anecdotal stories of people meeting their boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives at the gym. In fact, it could be a great match because you’ll both be into living the healthy, active life. Ah, sweet romance.
To put it another way: what if your gym crush did go on to become your significant other? Should you have approached them then? Absolutely, in fact I’m sure even the die hard I’m-at-the-gym-to-workout-only! proponents would be hard pressed to disagree with that. Now can anyone guarantee that will happen? Of course not, but here’s the rub: the only way you’ll ever know is if you do it.
But, before you go rushing in with all pistols a-blazin’ there are a couple of things you need to know. Clearly, this is a situation you have to approach carefully – at least if you plan on going to the gym (or your yoga class, or your crossfit class etc.) for longer than a day. So unless you want to reschedule all your workouts, you’ve got to approach your gym-crush situation with style. So if you’re going to get to know your gym crush, you’ve got to do it right. Allow me introduce you to the do’s and don’ts of approaching your gym crush, so you can do just that.
Do: Make it about the workout.
The first rule of Gym Crush Club* is that it’s all about the workout. Actually, that’s the only rule. Repeat after me: it’s all about the workout. Don’t make going to gym about your gym crush. Yes, they enhance your motivation, and they’re great eye-candy, but the main reason you work out (and theirs too) is to be healthy and get the best physique you can have. If you focus on the workout, then regardless of what happens with your gym crush, you will still be healthier and look sexier. Remember, you can take your workouts seriously, and still have fun. So make it about the workout – you’re doing it for you. And if you do, soon you’ll be someone else’s gym crush.
*Apologies to Chuck Palahniuk.
Don’t: Be weird / creepy / stalkerish.
This is so important it really cannot be overemphasized: don’t be weird, creepy or stalkerish. While it’s fine to admire your gym crush’s body, after all they’ve worked hard on it, remember that there are mirrors everywhere, so if you don’t want to be caught staring every 10 minutes – don’t stare. Don’t stalk them around the gym, that’s creepy. The idea is: you want to be as relaxed and as casual as possible… and the way you do that is by not over-analyzing the situation and not making it a big deal in your mind – get some perspective: if you were looking at the situation from the outside in, it wouldn’t be a big deal – just another conversation.
Do: Pay attention to body-language.
If you’ll forgive me for stating the obvious, but the fact of the matter is that some people are open to being approached and some aren’t. So how do you know if your gym crush is open to meeting you? The number one signal is if you both make eye contact and hold it for longer than usual. If this happens 3 or more times, that’s probably a good sign. And if they smile at you, that’s as green a light you can get. On the other hand, your gym crush could be so wrapped up in their workout that they just don’t notice you. Even if you don’t get any of the obvious signs they still may be open to meeting you… and the only way to find out is to take action. Either way you win, if they’re not interested you can forget about them, and if they are… who knows?
Do: Be friendly.
The real secret to getting to know your gym crush… is to just be friendly. When you see them make eye contact and smile. The next time you can do the same and throw in a ‘hi’. Be friendly and build it up slowly, there’s no need to try rushing things – just be friendly and let it happen naturally. Later you can throw out some compliments when you see them. Soon, you’ll be having longer conversations, and from there you can gauge their interest and move it forward if they look like they’re open to it. In fact, they may be the one to ask you! One more thing. If you want to be approached, make yourself approachable – smile, be friendly, have fun… and remember the unspoken rule: if you’re wearing headphones, you don’t want to be bothered. Think of them as those ‘do not disturb’ signs you see at hotels.
Don’t: Try hard.
Don’t try to impress your gym crush, don’t try to get them to like you. If they do they do and if they don’t – that’s life. It’s far better to just be friendly and natural and take it from there. Besides, you’re a good catch, why would you need to impress them anyway? Just have a normal conversation without gimmicks.
Do: Position yourself for opportunity.
To seize opportunity you’ve got to be positioned correctly. If your gym crush is in the weight section, start strength training (it’ll make you healthier and sexier too)… if they’re in a class, get yourself into that class. Classes are a great way to meet people, including your gym crush, because they’re much more social (especially before they start and when they finish) – it’d be easy to transition into conversation and grabbing a juice and taking it from there. Another way to approach it is to ask them if you can work in with them between sets, from there it’s easy to make conversation. Finally, to make a slight change to the famous quote: 80% of success is showing up… to the right places. And for the love of all that’s good, when you do show up, don’t spend the whole time ogling your crush… that’s stalker territory – it will creep your crush out.
Do: Time it right.
In life, timing can make all the difference. Never interrupt someone who is in the middle of a set, or giving it maximum intensity on the treadmill. It’s dangerous and shows a lack of social finesse – so don’t do it. Between sets is ok (just don’t expect them to be super conversational when they’re busy recovering) or if they’re walking on the treadmill. Basically, use some common sense at picking the time you approach them.
Don’t: Drag the conversation on.
When you finally get talking to your gym crush, don’t drag the conversation on, especially in the beginning. You’re busy, they’re busy, just make it brief to begin with – short and sweet. If things progress, you’ll get a feel for how the conversation is going. In fact, you could even say upfront: “I’ve got to get back to my workout in a second, but…” just to let them know that you aren’t going to drag the conversation on.
Do: Take it out of the gym.
If things are going well, then eventually one of you is going to have to suggest you take it out the gym. It can be as simple as getting a coffee, or juice, or fill in the blank – it’s up to you, but whatever it is, one of you is going to have to do it… and don’t expect your gym crush to be the one to do it. Just gauge the situation and if it feels right go with it.
Do: Drop it if they’re not interested.
Hey, you win some, you lose some. The most important thing you can do if they’re not interested is to simply drop it – it’s not personal. You took the small risk and you’re a stronger person now than you were – at the very least you can move on without the regret of not taking action. Stay positive, stay friendly and keep moving forward – they may not have been right for you, but someone else is.
So that’s a wrap. Take things slowly and build the relationship over time; when you’re friendly and let things happen naturally, the worst that can happen is that you make new friends.
Do you have a gym crush? Or have you? What happened? Let us know in the comments below!
Love this article! Very detailed and made me chuckle a little. It’ll be hard with my gym-crush cause he spends almost all his time in the basketball room and I’m NOT going in there! It’s all tall, sweaty dudes running at lightening speed and it’ll be weird and obvious if I just go in and sit in the corner and talk to no one and just…. Stare :3 But I noticed him working at my local supermarket so if you can write an article about what to do if your crush works at a super market… Then that’ll be amazing!
Glad you enjoyed it!
We’ll look at doing that article for ya sometime soon.
Until then, if it were us, we’d probably do something like: saying ‘hi’ with a big smile and slightly extended eye-contact (not crazy stalker style). And then maybe something like: “hey… don’t you go to gym XYZ? That’s so weird, I knew I recognized you from somewhere…”
Keep it sweet and short. Rinse and repeat each time you go to the supermarket – the smile and eye-contact. Obviously don’t repeat the same words, although that would be pretty funny, it probably wouldn’t get you a date, still… it would be quite funny – up to you!
It’s usually the simple approaches that work the best – good luck!
I’m telling you from personal experience! I realized that every girl i had ever talked to at the gym knew how to do the things described in this video: http://bit.ly/1pCzye2
And no it’s not an inappropriate video, check it out and see for yourself.
Love this article. I do have a crush at gym. We both stare each other and look away immediately. I always bump into him after the gym and we have know each other name, and i also know that he is younger than me. But I am too shy to ask more about him, he seems too popular cause he can talk to anybody at gym, but i am just focusing on my workout. I already asked him some tips of doing machine but after all i am still shy and got no topic to talk. i dont know what should i do to let him interested to me. got any idea? what should i ask at gym besides the workout topic?
@Tulips Say ‘Hi’ and smile whenever you see him, keep it friendly, and gradually increase the length and depth of conversation – what can you talk about? – anything really! Ask him about things he’s doing after gym / for the weekend, likes / dislikes, passions, hobbies etc.
Read the situation: if it’s going well, you can suggest something casual like getting a smoothie (if your gym offers it)
The best thing you can do is to simply practice having interesting conversations with lots of other people in your day to day life. This will make you a better conversationalist and you will gain tremendous confidence – good luck!
Glad you liked it!
Love this Very helpful. My gym crush actually chatted with me on our way out of the gym (which makes home very tactful and normal) we chatted a little bit and then the following day… But I kinda told him I was sorry for asking him so many questions and he’s working out.. He said it was fine but I ended the convo and bee lined for the door.. So I think I made it look like I wasn’t interested. So now I didn’t see him the following weekend ( that’s usually the only time I see him) and when I saw him on a weekday he didn’t say hi or didn’t see me? But either way like you said don’t take things personally. Sometimes people are in the mood to chat or they just want to get up and leave. But having a gym crush is sure motivation for that extra push in the squat rack! Lol
A few advice tips that I can get would be great. I have been going to this gym for quite sometime now. I have seen this female there several times and every time I go is a hit or miss. However yesterday I was there and she so happened to be there as well. Well I was working out and started noticing some clues but can’t really say that she was doing it on purpose. Every time I moved she moved close to me either in the weight area or a machine. I happened to go to another machine where she couldn’t see me or saw me where I went and I caught her looking back to where I was before I moved. I caught her a few times looking at me but wasn’t sure if it was she was looking at. There was brief moment where we were close to one another and she came up to where I was at to get a paper towel and the spray to wipe off the machine. I looked forward and a little aways when she was approaching my area which I was next to the trash where the spray and paper towels are. Looked for a second and she didn’t look at me at that time. Maybe she did when I wasn’t looking. So with all that said was she doing it on purpose and what should I do next time we are at the gym the same time? I’m in my late 20s and she looked like she was in her early 30s. Just a brief description. Any ideas? Advice?
so i have this crush at my gym and he looks older than me and i remember seeing him since a year ago but he never paid attention to me and a couple of months ago i remember seeing him again and after that i felt him like glancing at me and we would make eye contact more often but me being shy i would ignore him completely and now i dont feel him glance at me anymore and idk if i made him feel like i wasn’t interested and idk what to do should i sort of let him know i do notice him and am interested and if so how? idk im so confused. it would mean a lot of if you gave your opinion or anyone really.
Most people don’t like being approached while they work out (Especially if they’re wearing ear buds) so it’s kinda complicated to find the right time to do it… even if you sense they’re attracted to you.
So I have a gym crush he makes eyecontact all the time, he smiles flirts and stares at me lots I mean if he were ugly it would probably creep me out but he is definitely not… See there are a few problems with my gym crush though he works there, and he wears a ring, so I can’t do anything about it because he is married! Or he wears it so girls don’t go over and try to get his attention all the time… 🙁 So do I do nothing or ask if he is for real married??
Hi…well I just wanted say that I do have a gym crush on this guy… I been going to the gym since spring of 2015..and well I started out going just to workout and get in shape, but then this guy came around…then it was all about just going to see if he was there. Some days he was and sometimes he wasn’t. Then I started notice alot of things…making eye contacts that lasted more than 3 sec. Catching him start here n there. Look at me through mirrors, he would be checking if i was there or not..turns out he has a thing for me…only sad part is that I’m being moved to a different gym, I won’t get to see him any more…only advise I want to know is that should I tell him?
Just go up to him and ask him how many more sets he has lol it works trust me. Which gym 😉
Great article!! Loved it!!! So, i’m in my early 20’s and have a HUGE gym crush on an older man (in his 40’s i guess). He stares a lot, especially when I wear sexier clothes, and I stare back. But the thing is he sometimes goes with a teenager who i’m assuming is his son, on those days he does not stare as much. And sometimes I go with my dad(whom he actually seems to know cause i’ve seen them talking), on those days I try not to stare as much. Is it just too complicated to take any further? If not, how? I am SO shy, the only time we have talked is when I asked him if he was done with a machine, and viceversa.
What can I do when my crush is the manager trainer . How can I get to talk to him. He is very shy but he always say hi to me and Always look at me
. He onces told me to keep doing my good job and whatever works outs I am doing because obviously j love better . He is super handsome! I want to have longer conversations with him . Help
I had a gym crush on a pretty brunette that frequented my gym for about 2 years. The first time I approached her she blew me off with a cold shoulder. After that I let her be but I did catch her staring at me a lot. Eventually after a few months she approached me when the owner had me do some art for the facility. It turned out we had a lot in common. I finally asked her out one day, but she by that time she had a new boyfriend (now her husband).
There are some girls that are there for the attention and have no interest in talking to guys. I’ve seen one model that works out at gym blow out guy after guy. Sometimes just waving them off. Nowadays I concentrate on what I’m there to do. If I see a cute girl and she seems friendly, I’ll strike up a conversation, but I don’t go out of my way to do it.